E esquecer como é que era. A gente já foi tão unha e carne, tão coração e tripa, tão tudo ou nada. Do tipo andar na praia, falar mil horas no telefone, sussurrar no msn, tomar sorvete, ir no cinema, matar aula, escrever carta, mandar bilhete, beijo no ar, choro na chuva, abraço quente. Mas aí do nada tudo foi se perdendo e eu não sei mais se quem largou de mão foi você ou se meu sentimento com o mundo te fez me ver com olhos que não era mais de amor. Já matutei muito sobre nós, o que restou foram nós de tristeza e saudades. Fingir que não vejo, te tiro dali e aqui, fui apagando aos poucos as pegadas de giz, dos tempos das calçadas e dos porres sem álcool. Era engraçado e estranho toda aquela afinidade. Eu me fazia bem feliz e eu dormia com sorriso de quem sabe a quem pertence uma amizade. Outra coisa: o que foi que aconteceu com as promessas? Sei que beijos não são contratos, mas a gente nunca se importou com isso. Era bem do pra sempre que vivíamos. Em algum lugar dessa linha, o verso desandou. E aí a música se fez descompasso. Quando me veem, já me veem sem um pedaço de mim. Perdi vários. Seus e de outréns. Nunca pude dizer pra você parar que eu queria consertar, se é que teve conserto algum dia. Tentei te gritar, mas você não olhou pra trás. Uma história estranha constrói perante meus olhos. É tão perto mas parece milhas daqui. Se eu reler, vou morrer mais um pouco. Deixo aqui então pra você ler um dia. Quem sabe. O que é ter e perder alguém.
Desencanto pra depois reencantar. Dezembro 27, 2009
Algumas coisas doem um pouco, outras doem de montão. Apesar de que não devo e não posso me cobrar tanto, em muitos momentos eu me pego caindo nas armadilhas de quem faz com propósitos de tirar a minha paz. Não é tão óbvio, mas eu gosto do caos, já disse algumas vezes. Quando digo “tirar” minha paz, falo um pouco de me fazer mal, de me deixar paranóica, de me tirar potência e diminuir meu sorriso. Não entendo muito esse propósito, mas devo também admitir que pelo tempo que isso acontece, eu realmente deveria lidar melhor com essa situação. Maravilhada e deslumbrada com o mundo que a internet é, eu sigo futucando as novidades e experimentando novas redes de contato. Dizem que as redes sociais são de contato superficial. Isso eu até acredito, mas quando levo em consideração o quanto que certas situações me afetam, repenso com carinho antes de dizer isso de mim. Questões extremamente profundas e confusas se abrem no meu coração, e eu juro: tenho tentado muito mudar, encarar de frente essas mágoas, ter cuidado com minhas respostas, não me prender a picuínhas que não valem a pena. Assustada, muitas vezes me recluso em um canto, silencio, perco um pouco de viço de vida. Essa não sou eu, esse não é o jeito que gosto de agir. Coação é muito esquisito. Quase prisão. Ainda não sei qual é a forma de dizer que acredito nas pessoas e defendo muitos ideais & não ser desacreditada nisso só porque muita gente “don’t mean what they say”. É ruim estar cercada de estradas coberta de ovos, não sei onde posso pisar e se não tem alguém escondido na beira da estrada pra me jogar os ovos. É muito ruim ser sincera e levar umas porradas na cabeça de gente que você não sabe quem é, e ao mesmo tempo, sabe que provavelmente você confia muito nela. Mas também não adianta. Não dá pra medir esse tipo de coisa, muito menos esperar. Com o passar dos anos, as histórias vão se remoldando, as vidas vão se refazendo, e com isso, muita coisa a gente joga fora. E pra isso, nem sempre escolhemos. Alguns momentos nos forçam a “just do it”. Uma das metas de 2010 é essa. Jogar fora esse sentimento de profunda mágoa. Não me abalar por coisas que querem derrubar o que de legal eu construo pra mim e pr’aqueles que eu me importo. Prometo pra você, pessoa que eu gosto, admiro, respeito, incluo na minha vida, que minha dedicação, amor e amizade serão sempre sinceras. E prometo pra você, que não chega perto pra sentir calorzinho de amor, que se você tentar, não vai se arrepender. Tenho casca, mas não é grossa. Melhor tentar, não? Quem não arrisca, nunca petisca. Clichê válido. Como diria W.A.: WHATEVER WORKS!
Outro. Dezembro 19, 2009
Prometo parar, ou não.
Bold what is true:
1. I love bolding surveys.
2. I am sick of the bold survey where the third question is “I love olives.”
3. A Walk to Remember is my favorite movie of all time.
4. I wear black more than any other color, but I am not gothic.
5. I genuinely care for my friends.
6. I don’t trust people easily thanks to past experiences.
7. Romance novels fascinate me.
8. I am female.
9. I do not wear glasses, but I probably should.
10. Switchfoot is an amazing band.
11. I have never seen the movie “Phantom of the Opera”.
12. Emotionally, it is easy to hurt me.
13. I have never been in a fist fight.
14. I did not attend preschool as a child.
15. I have an older brother.
16. I am an aunt (or uncle).
17. I am too organized…yet extremely messy
18. My shoulders are always hot, but my feet are always cold.
19. I realize bold surveys are hard to make up yourself.
20. This is not the first survey I have ever taken.
21. I am interested in taking psychology classes.
22. I am interested in taking creative writing classes.
23. I hope to publish a book some day.
24. I think men are sexy.
25. I refuse to use any other brand of tissue, besides Kleenex.
26. Duct tape annoys me more than it amuses me.
27. Easter used to be my favorite holiday.
28. My lips are chapped at this moment.
29. I was completely terrified of the monster under my bed as a child.
30. I have a boyfriend.
31. My birthday is in February.
32. I don’t have a job, but I want one and need one.
33. I decide I want to take a survey only if I see a certain question that I’d like to answer.
34. I am a sophomore in high school.
35. I have never left this country.
36. I like Winter Break more than Spring Break.
37. I LOVE to sleep in.
38. The word “fluffy” makes me laugh.
39. I have cried within the last 24 hours.
40. My fingertips are freezing cold.
41. I have already eaten dinner.
42. Normally I don’t eat breakfast.
43. If I eat more than 2 marshmallows in one sitting, I feel sick.
44. I will never drink alcohol.
45. I will never smoke cigarettes.
46. I will never do drugs.
47. I really don’t like country music.
48. I have a cat.
49. I have thrown up from crying too much before.
50. I don’t intend to ever eat sushi. Gross.
51. When I was little, I was a very big cheater.
52. I’m overweight, but I’m trying to lose it.
53. I always look at peoples away messages.
54. I crack my knuckles often.
55. I’m not in any sports.
56. I play the acoustic guitar, and I love it.
57. I have only been to 2 concerts before in my life.
58. I’ve only kissed one person unrelated to me, so far.
59. I used to want to be am a vegetarian.
60. Now I want to be a writer.
61. Or a graphic designer…
62. I get along better with guys.
63. I used to like Pokemon. I still remember the names.
64. I am mostly French heritage.
65. I believe in God and have faith in Him.
66. Lip rings are arousing.
67. I love and get along with my cousins.
68. I had a pet turtle one summer.
69. I get excited about getting new underwear.
70. I need a boost in my self-esteem.
71. I’ve thought about suicide.
72. It frustrates me when people use double negatives.
73. I love receiving mail and e-mail.
74. I’ve had a penpal before.
75. I can’t sleep on my back. I just can’t.
76. I hate public bathrooms.
77. I listen to my parents; it’s just that sometimes I really don’t care.
78. Once in my life, I named a pigeon.
79. I laugh when I watch old home videos.
80. I used to be obsessed with the Spice Girls.
81. I once started a fire in my microwave.
82. I wish on Tootsie Roll Pop wrappers.
83. I really like the name Mathias.
84. I often fake my happiness for the benefit of others.
85. …And so I don’t have to explain everything that’s bothering me…
86. I keep a diary online and a diary on paper.
87. I love reading. It takes me away from reality.
88. I have an odd sense of humor that not many people understand.
89. I don’t like getting my picture taken by others.
90. I am a very huge procrastinator… with EVERYTHING.
91. The OC is my favorite TV show ever.
92. I’m afraid that my friends are gonna isolate me again.
93. I’m glad this survey is almost over.
94. I am in the mood to take a shower.
95. I feel like crying when I look at old pictures.
96. I have a very busy day tomorrow.
97. I am in the mood to kiss somebody.
98. I might be in love with my best friend…
99. I have my own key for the house/apartment I live in.
100. I love the color neon green when it’s mixed with black.
Tumblr e as listas inúteis. Dezembro 19, 2009
20 Random Statements: Bold What Also Applies:
` – You enjoy wearing make up.
` – Your favorite season is Spring or Fall.
` – Your favorite season is Winter or Summer.
` – You have dark-colored eyes.
` – You have light-colored eyes.
` – You have your license.
` – You do not drive.
` - You have been out of state.
` – You have been out of country.
` – You have listened / enjoy listening to music in another language.
` – You are in, or finished with high school.
` – You are in, or finished with college.
` - You know (basically) what you want to be when you grow up.
` – You have been to the movies recently.
` – You have finished a book within the past month.20 Controversial Topics; Bold the ones that are relative / important to YOU, or that you feel passionately about; feel free to elaborate on why, and to state your opinions.
` – Animal Rights.
` – Gay Rights.
` – Homelessness.
` – Homosexuality in General.
` – Smoking.
` – Drinking.
` – Drug-use and Addiction.
` – Cutting / Self-Injurious Behaviors.
` – The Draft.
` – Child Abuse.
` – Rape.
` - Abortion Rights.
` – Censorship.
` – Capital Punishment.
` – The military / War in General.
` – Immigration.
` – Global Warming / Climate Change.
` – Gun Control.
` – Eating Disorders.
` – The Prison System.20 Have You Ever’s; Bold What You Have Done / What You’ve Experienced.
` - Been to or through more than 15 states.
` – Been on stage.
` - Been dumped.
` - Been the one to dump someone.
` - Been in a car while the driver was under the influence.
` – Been pulled over or stopped by the police for any reason.
` – Finished a video game by yourself.
` – Cooked a meal for your family.
` - Had a power outage last more than a few hours.
` – Taken the tag off of someone’s survey on purpose.
` – Been the only sober person at a party.
` – Been the most out-of-control person at the party.
` – Been given a label that you feel didn’t fit you.
` – Been humiliated in a public situation.
` – Been proven wrong over something you were sure you were right about.
` – Dissected an animal in a science class?
` – Taken something from a stranger?
` – Taken a picture of yourself specifically to put up on some social networking site.
` – Gone over your texting limit – if you have one.20 Statements: In The Past Month, Have You … ; Bold What Also Applies To You.
` – Met anyone new.
` – Went out of town.
` – Purchased anything.
` – Purchased anything over £100
` - Sent more than 1,000 texts.
` – Watched a movie you hadn’t seen before.
` – Discovered a new band that you enjoy(ed) listening to.
` - Been to a concert or a gig.
` – Signed up for an account at a website.
` – Cleaned your room.
` – Attended school.
` – Had anyone walk out of your life.
` – Have anything humiliating happen to you.
` - Stayed up all night.
` – Wished someone a Happy Birthday.
` – Had your own birthday.
` – Been a passenger in a car.
` - Been the driver in a car.
` – Broken anything.
` – Done any sort of drug / ingested alcohol.
Memé de dezembro. Dezembro 16, 2009
Bold what is true:
1. I woke up in the afternoon today.
2. I have at least three picture frames in my room.
3. My trash can is full.
4. I love snow globes, but I’d never buy one.
5. I use my regular phone more than my cell phone.
6. I’m single, but I don’t want to be.
7. My hair is layered. You can barely tell.
8. I hate the term “best friend,” but I use it anyway.
9. I get along with my mom more than my dad.
10. I like making beaded bracelets.
11. I’ve never run for class president/treasurer, etc.
12. Most of my friends are white.
13. I have over 150 CDs in my collection.
14. I would rather listen to the radio than CDs.
15. I own whiteout, but I barely ever use it.
16. I’m very shy until you get to know me.
17. Some take my shyness as being mean/rude.
18. Most people probably don’t understand me.
19. I have a very random sense of humor.
20. I do not consider myself attractive.
21. I feel that I’m more mature than most people my age.
22. …But not all the time.
23. I used to pick my nose and wipe it on the wall.
24. I’d rather be cold than hot.
25. I always wait for that one person to sign on.
26. I’m probably online too much for my own good.
27. I am trying to lose weight and it’s not working out very well.
28. I own a LOT of chapstick. A LOT.
29. I love to buy paper… but I barely use it.
30. I write in my paper journal once a day or more.
31. I am an American, yet I find them annoying.
32. I’ve used binoculars the wrong way before.
33. I’m thirsty, but I can’t be bothered to go get something.
34. My best friend is that of the opposite sex.
35. My stomach hurts a little bit right now.
36. Sometimes I feel really, really sorry for myself.
37. Other times I feel really, really lucky.
38. I have a friend (or more) who creeps me out.
39. I have more than one shelf up in my room.
40. It’s sunny out today.
41. I don’t have a car.
42. I’m very picky with food.
43. I have a hard time with directions.
44. I am a little bit obsessive compulsive, I think.
45. I talk to myself in the mirror sometimes.
46. I don’t have that many DVDs yet.
48. I feel very sick if a movie is gory.
49. I have a lot in common with my best friend(s).
50. I believe in the theory that opposites attract.
51. I like someone who is at least four years older than me.
52. I’ve started a fire/explosion in the microwave before.
53. I’m worried that one of my pets will die soon.
54. I have cut myself before and sometimes still want to.
55. Never been THAT drunk, but it might be kinda fun.
56. Sometimes I act drunk even when I’m not.
57. It annoys me when people chew loudly.
58. And breathe loudly.
59. And click their pens like crazy.
60. I enjoy bold surveys, mostly ‘cause I have no life.
61. I’d rather have a popsicle than popcorn.
62. I’d rather do laundry than the dishes.
63. Someday, I will go to England.
64. I’d rather be in a dark room than a bright one.
65. My alarm clock annoys me very, very much.
66. When I was younger, I went to summer school for fun.
67. I was made fun of in middle school. That has scarred me.
68. I’ve never eaten sushi and never will.
69. I remember where I was when I first learned to whistle.
70. If Barney is on TV, I will still sit there and watch.
71. MySpace is annoying, but I’m pretty much addicted to it.
72. I hAtE iT wHeN pPl TyPe LyK dIs!!!11
73. When I talk to my crush, I basically stop breathing.
74. People have told me that I’m sexy before.
75. I never believe it when they do.
76. I love to write, but whenever I start something new I can’t finish it.
77. I love to read, but I can’t do it for a long time.
78. If I lay down and watch TV, I end up falling asleep.
79. I absolutely LOVE riding my bike.
80. I love to play badminton, but I don’t play often.
81. I have never been on a sports team before.
82. I’m in at least one advanced placement class.
83. I’m in the class of 2009.
84. Jacuzzis and hot tubs are very relaxing.
85. I have stood up and done something else during this survey.
86. I space out a lot, but that’s ‘cause I think too much.
87. I’ve made a shelf in a store collapse before.
88. I’m a big crybaby, and I know it.
89. I wouldn’t mind having a ferret for a pet.
90. I love to watch home videos.
91. I miss my childhood and wish I could go back.
92. I’d rather brush my teeth normal than use an electric toothbrush.
93. Dippin’ Dots are good, but not worth the money.
94. I feel like I’m more confident than I used to be.
95. My friends come to me for advice often.
96. I’ve had over five significant others in my lifetime.
97. I have cheated on one or more of them before.
98. Last year’s math class was completely useless.
99. I hate the fact that I’m growing up. I don’t want to.
100. I miss a lot of my old friends, but not all of them.
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